Ever seen life as a house? I am Sam, but without drugs and prostitution. And I am female. I am stuck and I turned twenty and this is hell. I don't feel old and I am not old but I am too old to still be in this kind of situation I live in. This is paradoxical. This sucks. While watching that movie on TV tonight I asked myself why there has never been anyone in my life who tried to drag me out of this, of "This", and simultaneously I was so embarrassed to even think that way. Maybe like the director provoked it. I was crying so much I thought my eyes would burst and it was horrible. As the movie ended everything I felt was uncomfortable emptiness and for a moment I thought watching another movie, similar to this one, would make me feel better but a few seconds later I assumed it would only help for another 2 hours so I left it at that.

This is not like it was 5 years ago, this is way more grown up.


02:50 + 10.04.06

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