Happy as punch.I guess my personality is somewhat capricious, I guess that's negative. It makes me do things I regret 5 seconds after I've done them. The absolute term is missing, the thread and the 'definitive' that assures my future. I feel like plasticine, I feel like very untalented kids try to form something identifiable out of me, unsuccessfully. In every guidebook it says: "A girl usually completed its self finding process at the age of 17/18", but hey, what about me? I am 19, it is my personal right to be done with 'finding myself', yet, the only thing I found out for sure is the undeniable fact that I was mentally much more stronger with 14. Does it mean I completed my processes too early and now I am stunted at it? Am I regressing? I truly failed to remember making Plan B to G when I was fantasising about my life a few years ago. Fantasising at all was wrong. Whatever, I am tired, I didn't sleep and I'm sick of pretending. Sometimes others say it better:R.E.M. - Walk Unafraid As the sun comes up, as the moon goes down Say "keep within the boundaries if you want to play." If I have a bag of rocks to carry as I go I miss my old entries. I can't believe I deleted all of my old entries from 2002 to now. I thought it was cool, but in the end it was just another act I regretted 5 seconds after I've done it. Mariam |
06:51 + 20.10.05
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